Alex Carao
One cannot help but to wonder if Chávez's dumb cracks actually have bounds. It does speak for his imagination and his ability and desire to give us all a good laugh, and it would be indeed funny this time if he wasn't tap dancing around an issue that could make him no longer a curiosity and very much a dangerous man.
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He can't use the excuse of naivete. He can't hide behind the shield of blunt provocateur. He can't pretend that he is a reborn Castro playing the field in an era of cold war. One can only conclude one of two things, either his announcement of an offer to place Russian military bases in Venezuela was made in jest, or his stupidity is up there with the likes of Napoleon and Hitler when they decided to invade Russia; an example that I picked not only because it is pertinent to what we're discussing, but also makes the point that stupidity is not the exclusive realm of mad men. Of course, knowing Chávez's background, the latter is probably a moot point. I must confess that my expertise in geopolitical strategy lags far behing even my poor running ability for example, and because of that I'm not going to try to play the role of political analyst on this one... 
I'm being facetious you people, of course I am going to play the role of analyst here. How could I not? It would be a disservice and an affront to Chávez's infantile psyche.
Only that I'm not going to do exactly what everybody else is doing out there, which is dissecting the announcement and arguing about its unfeasibility, its imprudence and its true meaning. I'm going to celebrate, celebrate, celebrate!!!
I've never been a fan of hard-line nationalisms, so I am not going to go on and on about how this would be the first time in the country's history that somebody would allow foreign military presence within our borders (precisely a guy that talks so much about sovereignty); nor am I going to ramble on about why the US will never allow this (just remember Cuba, 1962). I am going to celebrate!!! I ask you, what's not to like? First and foremost is Vodka; clean and pure like the socialist mind and oh, so much better tasting than the crap they pass for beer in Venezuela these days. I can definitely foresee a battleground brewing in Caracas (pun intended): Scotch vs. Vodka. What a battle! Then you have the food. Take blinis with sturgeon eggs for example. Who needs a fat, greasy "reina pepeada" in a socialist state when you can have a minimalist and healthy blini? No contest there. Same thing with the music of Vladimir Visotsky... at last Alí Primera is going to find an interpreter of his thoughts with the weight of Russia on his shoulders. Of course, I'm not so sure how politically correct some of Visotsky' songs are going to be in a society that has never seen a war or famine, but hey, isn't it about time? On that note I'm sure we'll also hear from Galich, but more likely in the Gaitazos at the end of the year. Then you have the history, oh the history that the great Russia brings with it! Finally Miranda's plan is revealed. Nobody can talk trash now about the dude who managed to screw the Empress. And the literature, ah the literature. Wasn't it time already that our children stopped reading evil capitalist icons like Doña Bárbara and started to imbue themselves in the harsh world of Dostoievsky? If more children had Raskolnikov as a role model instead of Batman, I am positive crime would have dissapeared long ago in Venezuela. One slight problem that Chavez's government may have is to find an appropriate gulag, but I'm sure they'll come up with something. The cyrillic alphabet may also prove a bit of a challenge for the "Misión Robinson", but I guess since they've already managed to clarify the Spanish language to all in record time (the proof is in the level of language used in Venezuelan politics), I have no doubt they will succeed in the same fashion with russian. And what about the slavic influence? I'm not sure where Chavez's head is on this, but I am going to tell you right now that in spite of all the nonsense that he manages to articulate, he's not going to say no to the likes of Maria Sharapova; I am sure the terms "native american and afrodescendent" are going to take a whole new meaning once we go through with this. On that same note, just remember that from now on all women will have to add an 'a' to their surnames. So María Gonzalez will become María Gonzaleza, and Julia López would become Julia Lopeza. I have a feeling that Radio Rochela (if it still exists), is going to have a field day with that one. At least maybe we'll have better tennis players...
And before this recount of reasons to celebrate become too long, I'm going to finish with one that is very close to my heart: identity (which many confuse with nationalism), expressed in the symbols of a people. I too believe that the hammer and sickle express so much better what we are than the stars in our banner, and I also believe that the Russian Anthem speaks so much more about ourselves than any other song could, that I doubt anybody will flinch when they start playing it during the military parade on November 7th... (If you don't know what is celebrated on that day, then that is a sign that you need to catch up with your Russian history). I'm putting it here for your benefit, or like we say in Venezuela, para que se lo vayan aprendiendo...
Ah, almost forgot. The article's title. It's the new slogan for the military since "Patria, Socialismo o Muerte" has caused so much itch. It means: "Russia, our beloved country"
Here's the transliteration, to help you guys when practicing:
Rossiya — svyashchennaya nasha derzhava,
Rossiya — lyubimaya nasha strana.
Moguchaya volya, velikaya slava —
Tvoyo dostoyan’e na vse vremena!
Coro
Slav’sya, Otechestvo nashe svobodnoye,
Bratskikh narodov soyuz vekovoy,
Predkami dannaya mudrost’ narodnaya!
Slav’sya, strana! My gordimsya toboy!
Ot yuzhnykh morey do polyarnogo kraya
Raskinulis’ nashi lesa i polya.
Odna ty na svete! Odna ty takaya —
Khranimaya Bogom rodnaya zemlya!
Coro
Shirokiy prostor dlya mechty i dlya zhizni.
Gryadushchiye nam otkryvayut goda.
Nam silu dayot nasha vernost’ Otchizne.
Tak bylo, tak yest’ i tak budet vsegda!
Coro
:-)
Cheers
alex